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I’ve been asked for the longest by my White mommy friends the meaning of a “kitchen” in reference to their Biracial daughters’ hair. Although flavors of opinion may vary, I will give you my version.

The term “kitchen” has a double meaning.

Home-wise, the kitchen was where, when I was growing up, most little Black girls spent a good portion of their Saturdays getting their hair pressed (straightened with a hot comb) for church and the school week. Most of the women of the house, sometimes even the neighborhood women, gathered here during this ritual.

This ritual was seen a NECESSARY EVIL.

ABC’s ‘The View‘ did not have anything on Big Mama, Miss Lizzy, and the rest of the women in the kitchen. They talked about how Mrs. Dora could go about ‘getting rid of‘ Mr. Willie who was so abusive to her. They talked about who was ‘good White folk’ to work for and who was to be avoided, if possible. They talked about how Lisa Ann was getting too ‘fast‘ and how June Bug was getting too ‘mannish‘; and what to do about it. They talked about how Betty Jo was going to escape wandering hands at home and how to keep Kevin away from the influence of the neighborhood boys.

The kitchen was a place of intimacy, ups, downs, and making it through another day.

Hair-wise, the kitchen is the hair at the nape of you neck. The kitchen is what most Black and Biracial girls fret about the most. They work very hard and futilely to straighten, shave off, or hide their nappy kitchen. The kitchen is the area that is most resistant to straighteners.

It is also the first area to, once finally straightened, get nappy again.

Henry Louis Gates, Jr. (Skip Gates) is a noted Harvard University professor. He wrote and produced the PBS documentary called ‘African American Lives‘ and the book ‘Finding Oprah’s Roots,’ both exploring genetics, genealogy, and race. In his memoir, Colored People, he addresses the issue of the kitchen, stating:

“The kitchen was permanent, irredeemable, invincible kink. Unassimilably African. No matter what you did, no matter how hard you tried, nothing could de-kink a person’s kitchen. So you trimmed it off as best you could. When hair had begun to “turn,” as they’d say, or return to its natural kinky glory, it was the kitchen that turned first.”

I believe the kitchen is hardheaded, unruly, persistent, stubborn, resistant, wayward, steadfast, indomitable, unconquerable, relentless, unyielding … proud.

I also believe that the kitchen wants two things from us: to be loved unconditionally and to be accepted unconditionally.

My kitchen seems to speak to me saying, “I am what I am.”

I happen to agree with it … and I’m happy with that …

– Nappy Kitchen

Gates, Jr., Henry Louis. Colored People: A Memoir. 1st ed. New York, NY: Knopf, 1994. 42-42.